That. Would. Be. SOOOOO. Cool.

OK, so there’s about 4,927 people running for President of These United States at the moment (both verily and spoofily). Now, of course primaries will separate the wheat from the chaff (or the really really rich from the just really rich), but as of right now, it’s looking a little like a circus. I did find the concept of Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert running quite humorous, but, other than that, I have been fairly desperate, wanting someone, anyone I could take seriously to run.

But now I have found him. The President of my dreams. If only he were ACTUALLY running.

Fred D. Thompson.

One of the blogs I love to read is IMAO, which has the same sort of biting conservative humor which I hope to achieve on a semi-regular basis. (And they are not above laughing at conservatives, which is also important.) Well, a couple of weeks ago, one of their columnists, Frank J., posted “Frank Facts about Fred Thompson” which included gems like this:

Fred Thompson has blasted more people in the face with a shotgun than even Dick Cheney.

The reason Fred Thompson didn’t want to stay in the Senate for long is because all the extra scrutiny kept him from doing his favorite hobby: prowling the streets at night killing drug dealers.

Every night before going to sleep, Osama Bin Laden checks under his bed for Fred Thompson.

Fred Thompson once ended a filibuster by ripping out a Senator’s heart and showing it to him before he died.

The most efficient airline security is to have Fred Thompson stare down everyone entering a plane.

And, the most amazing of all: Fred Thompson can open clamshell packaging without the slightest trouble.

There are more, but that gives you a taste of what’s there.

Apparently, a lot of people want Fred Thompson to run. There’s even a Draft Fred Thompson for President website (draftfredthompson.com).

Well, the folks at IMAO have posted a new post which really got me thinking. The title? “Do We Deserve Fred Thompson?” again by Frank J. Here’s a taste…

“When I published important facts about Fred Thompson, it was a very popular post. Now everyone wants a Fred Thompson candidacy, but Fred Thompson has yet to state whether he intends to run. The reaction by many is to plead with Fred Thompson to run or talk about drafting him, but you can’t force Fred Thompson to do what Fred Thompson doesn’t want to do. Instead of focusing on him, we should focus on ouselves and ask the tough question: ‘Are we a good enough country to have Fred Thompson as president?’

Tips on Improving Ourselves so Fred Thompson May Want to Be Our President:

Eat Breakfast. Fred Thompson knows that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. If you don’t care enough about yourself to eat breakfast, why should Fred Thompson care about you? (I’ve got this one covered now!)

Control Your Children. Make sure your children are well-behaved. Fred Thompson is not going to run a country full of screaming kids running around.

Mow Your Lawn. Fred Thompson will only be president of a country where people take pride in land ownership. The most visible indication of this is how well you maintain your lawn.

Use Proper Grammar. Why would Fred Thompson want to lead people he can’t even understand? (Again, I’m all over this like white on rice!)

Get a Haircut. You think Fred Thompson wants to be president of a bunch of hippies? Then you don’t know Fred Thompson. (YES!)

Keep Informed. If you don’t even follow politics, then Fred Thompson doesn’t want your ignorant vote.” (WooHoo!)

And so forth. You know, in all seriousness, we could do a lot worse for president.

If you want to check out IMAO, they are at imao.us. They are full of fun tidbits, like an editorial called, “Of the Two Koreas, I like South Korea Best” and other such fun stuff.

And if you want to see that I’m not making this up, google “fred thompson president.” You’ll get about 1,380,000 results. (Some of them are probably porn, but then, if you go far enough into any search, you’ll find porn. Amazing.)