So my leetle seester, The Clam Rampant, has posted a long and very good post on her blog called Baby Steps. Take a minute and read it here: http://clamrampant.stblogs.com/2007/03/22/baby-steps/#respond
I thought I would respond, reply and clarify a few things.
First of all, the obligatory older sister tease. True Story: The Clam actually made a to-do list one summer, which covered all she intended to do during ONE DAY that summer, and one of the items on it was “write a novel.” I’m not kidding. (Isn’t that cute!?) So she’s not kidding when she says she has felt it necessary to save the world before breakfast. We both have that tendency, and we come by it honestly. We come from a long line of “work until you are ready to drop and are so stressed out that you either snap at people or fall apart and cry over nothing” people. Now, our mother has developed a form of that, but it doesn’t involve work – it involves social activities. Our grandma and aunt both did it, and it involved work. Scrubbing the kitchen floor on your hands and knees in August in Mississippi (with no AC) while you are 9 months pregnant, because you know your mother expects your home to be spotless, and she’s coming to stay with you. You know – keerazy!
Also, in my defense, I didn’t try to potty train my catS, I tried to potty train my caT(back when I just had one). It seemed like a good idea at the time, until I had the pile o’newspapers about a foot up in the air and somehow the litter box fell off and litter (and cat scat) ended up all over my bathroom floor while I was at work. But, to her credit, Wittle Girl did not use this as an excuse to “powder her nose” elsewhere. (She’s such a little lady!) However, that was the end of the potty training experiment for me.
OK. Now onto the actual point of the post.
Anyway, The Clam’s basic premise of the post is about taking Baby Steps as you do things. She says: “Recently, The Big Seester (that’s ME!) found a book called The Four-Day Win that talks about the importance of setting small, incredibly achievable goals for yourself…in other words, baby steps. After a recent shopping excursion, I have decided to implement a modified version of The Four-Day Win.”
I am currently in the process of reading The Four Day Win. Clam’s right about the premise of the book (well, one of them anyway). The book is much more involved than just that, but Dr. Beck’s overall point (which I have spent the last several years of my life proving, thank you very much) is that we set these unrealistic goals for ourselves, and then punish ourselves when we (inevitably) fail. She talks about how every diet basically boils down to “eat less and exercise” and that if it really was that simple, we wouldn’t have a weight problem in this country.
She says that when you rely on willpower, you will lose, because our primitive brain (the part that deals with basic stuff like food and self-protection) is very powerful – it is how we have been able to survive millenia of famines and wars and ice ages, and IT WILL WIN. Eventually, no matter how much you KNOW you shouldn’t eat sweets, you will end up face first in a bag of Double Stuffs, snarling at the person who walks within 10 feet of you.
As you can see, I have become somewhat of a fan of this book. Sure, she’s got some new agey stuff in there, and I have to really work hard to not roll my eyes and snort, but hey! Overall, I have to agree with what she says, because I have been living it. You know how it starts – you gain some weight – let’s say 20 pounds. You decide you are going to go on a mondo diet and take off that 20 pounds in 2 months (10 pounds a month – that’s what you “should” lose, right?) But, a year later (or two) you are now 35 pounds overweight. That’s basically what I have done. Dieted, lost some weight, until I couldn’t stand it anymore, then rebounded, and gained back more than I lost. And let’s face it, Little Miss In a Big Hurry, if you had said, “I want to lose 10 pounds a YEAR,” instead of 10 pounds a MONTH, chances are that you would still be maintaining that weight loss. But who wants to say, “Yippee! I lost 1 pound last month!” Diet testimonials never say that. However, if you look at how long I have been struggling, if I would have known this years ago, and set a goal of 10 pounds a year, I would now weigh about the same as a 6 year old. (Well, no, but I would have reached my goal years ago, instead of still fighting this.)
So she had all kinds of ways to change your behavior SLOWLY, rather than jumping feet first into something you won’t be able to maintain long-term. Which is why I am still reading the book. I am reading it slowly, let it sink in.
So, for example, the ridiculously easy goals. She tells you to pick a goal – something that you haven’t been able to achieve yet in your dietary quest. I picked: “Eat three, reasonably healthy meals a day.”
Now, there are a couple of tidbits there.
#1 – reasonably healthy – meaning I am not saying “no more sweets EVER! (thanks, Joan Crawford) or anything. I just mean fairly balanced. Yes, I know I should be eating 5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day (or even more), but I recognize that, at this point, that’s like pointing at Mt. Everest and saying, “See you at the top!” And I KNOW this by now.
#2 – notice “3 meals” – that’s because I tend to skip breakfast (like most dieters out there) and then by mid-morning, I’m ravenous and PO’d at myself. If it’s a bad day, I visit Ye Olde Vending Machine. If it’s a good day, I hold out until lunch. Neither of which is a healthy habit.
Anyway, so, pick your goal. OK. Done. Then she says, clearly this goal is too large. Why? Because you haven’t done it yet. So halve it. Then halve it again. Keep reducing it until it is so ridiculously easy, you look at it and say, “Pffft! Of COURSE I can do that!” Then do it for Four Days in a row. AND, each day you do it successfully, give yourself a little reward (something minor). And, if you do it for Four Days, give yourself a little larger reward.
So, I took my “3 reasonably healthy meals” and turned it into: have a bowl of cereal with a banana on it for breakfast each day.
Now, first of all, you don’t quit after Four Days. It just becomes a habit. And, I must say, this particular goal became a habit quickly. Even in the midst of moving, I had my little brekkie: a fairly healthy cereal (Special K, or Corn Flakes because they have been on sale) with a little sugar sprinkled on them, 1% milk (which is what I normally have around) and a cut-up banana. And my reward is a small (SMALL) glass of OJ with breakfast. (See my previous post about weird food rules – OJ is another food I have been forbidding myself, until I go on an OJ binge and drink 1/2 gallon in a day or two, and I’m not kidding.) She doesn’t say it can’t be a food-related goal, and OJ is a major breakfast treat for me, and drinking 6 oz of it is not going to break my diet. (Drinking a couple of 2-4s of Coke will, though!)
Like I said, I really think this book makes a lot of sense. And I bought it for myself as a moving gift, so The Clam could actually read it if she wants.
And I’ll tell you this: it feels darned good to actually succeed at a goal. Dr. Beck’s right about that too.
So WAHOO to The Clam for wanting to try it too. And yes, you can borrow an Agatha Christie or Trixie Belden. Or, dare I say it?, one of my Catholic mysteries, like The Rosary Murders. No. Perhaps that ought to wait until AFTER the Easter Vigil.
And I have also thought about going into plus-sized fashion design. I even have a company name figured out.
The Big Seester Sez... 